The mild trouble sleeping I mentioned in my last journal has escalated somewhat. I now find it exceptionally difficult to sleep, and even harder to wake up.

I've had a lot of walk these past two or so months, all coming together in the last 3 weeks. I haven't had much time for anything really...And it all came down to me practically crashing out over the weekend and messing up my entire sleep schedule by sleeping 20 hours in a row. Good times.

I handed in my crab screensaver, splashscreen, portfolio and report, and a lengthy review of Robotron 2084, all of which were timed so close together that I found myself utterly exhausted. Tomorrow there is more in, and a presentation to give- one that I get the feeling I'll be doing.

Had a bit of a money crisis shortly after I got back from visiting my family...All sorted now but it still impacted my food situation a bit. Dry cornflakes suck. I'm buying milk today.

Recently so very many people from my past, all almost completely unrelated, have been getting in contact with me, and (here's the funny part) when I respond, they vanish from the face of the earth.

This kind of all came into a point when at the beginning of the month a friend from a long long time ago asked for my help, and then just vanished when I offered it. She was the last of three people to just contact me and vanish in the last month.

So I guess I'm starting to drop contact with these people-Either my responses are too much or too little for them, or they just think better of contacting me at a later date, which would be a blow to my ego if it weren't so indestructible right now.

Speaking of blows to my ego...I have met no one here as of yet who I feel I can completely trust, and those I was beginning to have betrayed me already, one after another. They are useless, I know...But in my haste to perhaps find a friend here I neglected to complete my initial analysis before trying to trust them. It was a mistake...A real amateur mistake.

Now who knows where things will go from here...



Ah...Sunset. Best shower and leave. I have things to do.

I hope you are all well. I hope to get back in contact with most of you soon. I have a rather sizeable amount of deviations to go through before I can be truly caught up, so I guess I'll start that when I get time.

I hope you are all well. I am truly sorry for not being on here more often.

~
Demi

My internet appears to be working full time now. I only hope it stays this way.

On the 25th of October, beginning at midnight and ending at 0100, I performed the rituals of change upon myself, taking all I have gained and using it to renew myself once more. In the days approaching the ritual, I found great flaws within myself, the most prominent of which would be my deteriorating ability to empathise. To help people the way I used to.

So I started work. I had already amassed countless blocks of data, so I analysed them and ran the change through myself, meditating on it before running the usual spiritual pursuits along with some new smaller intricate parts to strengthen myself and my resolve.

It all took effect on the first, when I cleared my mind and resolved to use the new mindset I had designed for myself.

I apologise for my lack of comments as of late- I have been rather busy. I will catch up, though perhaps not soon.

There has also been a new development today which has altered my mindset, as well as showing me an opportunity to regain myself, and the parts of myself that I lost after 2004 October Curse. For those of you that don't remember, it was number two on this list.

Much has happened in he last two months... I have a stable life at university now, a messy but suitable room, still no heating but I manage to stay warm enough. I've made a few of what I may yet grow to call close friends, and I apparently seem to be getting more and more healthy as time goes on. Go figure. I am still without internal bleeding, though I did have a few recent scares where I -thought- I saw blood. I guess it's just my imagination.

I went home around the 30th to visit my family. I also saw some of my good friends whilst there. I wish I'd had more time with them, and more time to visit others as well...but unfortunately sometimes these things fail to present themselves. I'm glad with what I got: Some valued time with my close homefriends, and to be part of the pack again, even though I know we're never truly apart, I feel so solitary out here. It feels almost as if I'm not part of a pack at all sometimes.

The work load is almost funny in the way it is not. I have much to do...

Anyway...Now I go to rest. I have had trouble sleeping recently, and I need to catch up.

I hope you are all well.

~
Demi